Narcissistic, Borderline, Histrionic Abuse

Specific types of abuses inflicted by troubled individuals with Cluster B personality disorders in DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) that can cause devastating effects.

Borderline, Histrionic Personality Disorder

Borderline individuals are more overtly abusive than Narcissists. They are not only narcissistic but their deep sense of hostility and outbursts of anger really stand out among other harmful behaviours like impulsivity, self-destructiveness. They keep victims at arms length and actively abusing them. While on the other hand, individuals with histrionic personality disorder, they have a great need to be the centre of the attention, a great deal of entitlement and shallow and outsized display of emotions. However sometimes not all BPD individuals are abusive and in some cases Complex PTSD can be misdiagnosed as borderline due to the similar symptoms display.

Because their excessive need to control and unstable mood, very often can turn into physical abuse and violence. The person being victimized learned to walk on eggshells, being watchful and extreme sensitive to mood shifts and tone of voices. Name calling and bullying are very commonly seen in BPD, victims can be treated in a way that they see themselves in a very negative light, have a deep sense of something is inherently wrong with them and that their needs and feelings don’t matter. In extreme cases, the excessive control and over-involvement and intrusiveness of a child's life can lead to enmeshment trauma, and difficulty in asserting their autonomy and independence in adult life.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

On the other hand narcissists are more insidious. One of the most harmful and unrecognized types would be covert narcissist. They lack empathy and self-awareness, use psychological and emotional manipulations from love blooming and gaining your trust, to devalue, criticize, shame you and then gaslighting, In turn this cycle creates an emotional addiction and bounding in the victim's system, wanting to feel good enough and get back the love in the initial stage.

They guilt trip you about every little thing and make you think you are one who did something wrong. They do whatever they can to weaken your trust in yourself and confidence, they put you down to level up their ego and superficial charm. When you confront them they would play the victim and shift the blame, then claim their reaction is because of your wrongdoing.

Individuals with NPD are very empty inside, their authentic self was deeply buried because of their early childhood, they are in fact so fragile the only way is to constantly crave ego boosting validation to somewhat feel good about themselves.

The Abuse And It's effects

The abuse often happens domestically and the impact on the person being victimized is incredibly detrimental. It leads to the survivors not knowing who they are, self-hatred, feeling invisible, lost touch with self and with reality. Overwhelmed with deep shame, guilt, self-blame, lost and alone, and no one really understands them and what they are going through which further perpetuate the rage and anger inside. Complex PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a very common diagnose as a result.

When it comes to the personality disorders inflicted trauma, extensive knowledge is required and necessary to understand the abuse, the dynamic, it’s effects and how to approach healing. In most cases the survivors often keep going back or simple won’t leave the perpetrator because of the lack of self-trust and trauma bounding which in fact is a chemical reaction in the body, the familiarity causes them to actually feel safer while they are with the abuser. Often the others may unknowingly make them feel even worse and further damage their self-esteem regardless good intention to help. 

The colateral impact can be so great that it often extends to all areas of the life, leads to the collapse of overall life functioning. It changes your perception, your personality, blurs your view on the reality and leads you to a vicious repetitive cycle, and even worse when the repetition is long enough it became your identity. You might also questioning whether or not you have become the person who abused you. Before you know it, you are already stuck in a life that you absolutely want no part of it. The ongoing psychological and emotional distress often further cause various physical chronic pain and issues such as brain dysfunction, gastrointestinal issues, autoimmune and inflammatory disease, cardiovascular disease, metabolic syndrome and hormone imbalance.

With healing advancing, many survivors are able to trance back that the dysfunction orgin often comes from childhood unhealthy dynamics. The root nature is that we compromise our own truth of thoughts, feelings and beliefs in order to get the illusion of love, connection and safety from an individual with distorted reality, it’s especially harmful in children because early brain development and lack of judgment at a young age which makes them the easiest to manipulate and to be victimized. Aside from healing the original wounds, titrate self-trust, gradually learn to asserting healthy boundaries, honoring who and how you are, build personal integrity and a loving relationship with yourself are some vital keys for healing and letting go your dependency on the abuser.

If unfortunately you have experienced any of these or have any relationship like this currently in your life, I see you, I hear you, I believe you and there is hope. These are the types of abuse that I have endured personally. I know what you are going through and how devastating, dark and confused it seems because I have been there myself. My transformative approach and the tools and knowledge I have gathered along the way are also here to support you and your healing at your pace, help you restore sanity, navigate through somatically and cognitively, and eventually exiting the distorted dynamic and rebuild a new healthy life.