I was disassociated as long as I have any memories, after I experienced one earliest major trauma, in order to protect me, my genius brain interestingly used it’s imagination and created an ideal world in my mind so that I was able to survive relatively well at those young years. It was a ground shaking realization that came to my awareness at one point in my healing. Before the age of 10, my mother was basically absent in my life during which she was a workaholic because she wants control over other people, and the only way for her is to climb up the corporate ladder. I was left at the hands of my alcoholic father who passive-aggressively abused me emotionally, verbally and acted more like a playmate than an actual parent. At the age of 12, I began to feel an intense deep sense of self-hatred, and my mother's return and re-involvement in my life came with her physical abuse and bullying, I was walking on eggshell and constantly in fear every single day. At the age of 17 I fell deeply into depression and at the age of 24 I hit my rock bottom, had chronic Complex PTSD, chronic depression, severe disassociation, anxiety, eating disorder, panic attacks and OCD. The brain fog and memory loss were so severe that I was practically a walking zombie and everything became survival and life preservation at that point, the toxic dynamic rolled like a snow ball and it extended to all my existing relationships, friends, coworkers, romantic partners which led to more trauma. I was stuck in a life that is incredibly dangerous and threatening to my own existence.
All of these were left unchecked for many years until years later I decided to do something different and walked into a psychiatrist's office in a different country on my own. Prior to the self checkin, there was no education informed to me about mental health because of the social stigma and ignorance. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even know human can get sick in the mind. I was then prescribed medications, advised to start therapy immediately. Even though all the chaos and turbulence inside and around me, I signed myself in many top notch personal development courses and mentorship groups, all that is because I always have an deep inner knowing that that was not the life I am meant to live.
However working with different therapists and personal development coaches, nothing seemed to changed. I did gain many cognitive knowledge but my surroundings were the same and I was still surrounded by toxic individuals and couldn’t seem to see the reality as it is. All the old histories were repeating itself and it seemed like the people around me were exact same but with different faces. I was nowhere near any changes, nor health or happy.
Soon after got involved yet again in another toxic work environment, I felt being triggered more than ever to my core, and I thought to myself that I couldn’t just expecting and relying on the professionals who I thought were supposed to know what to do to help me. And instead I took matter into my own hands, I silently made a promise to myself, quit the job and put all my energy in prioritising my well-being, growth and health.
After extensive searching and detours, finding and trying different new approaches with different practitioners, with determination and consistency, an open mind and the space I have created for myself, followed my intuition even it says everything the opposite of what my left brain knew. Day by day, healing one wound after another, one shift after another. I found myself no longer being triggered by things that use to irritate me. I felt more and more like myself, little by little, I realized that I have climbed one mountain after another. I was so committed to investing in myself, educating myself and taking care of me, I felt more and more empowered because gradually I know for sure that I am really able to get out of that situation. I was able to be more gentle and kind with myself and I gained many perspectives and see more and more clear about the reality of things followed by a spiritual awakening. I owned back the me I have disowned before in order to feel safe and loved, and have evolved into a version of me that even I myself have never met. I birthed a renewed sense of self, personal knowledge and many insights on personal growth. Looking back everything was unexpected but made so much sense. For the first time in my life, I knew a brand new and much brighter chapter of my life has begun.
Because the path I was on, I noticed there are some unique approaches can not only heal the inner wounds but also facilitate the growth and expansion of the person, and it was much more effective than any personal development courses I have taken. Also I realized many personal growth and development focus on the cognitive yet so many people invest in self help didn't achieve the result that they desire. The question is why? Our behaviour is 90% driven by emotion, energy and subconscious patterns, only 10% is cognitive understanding. From a neuroscience perspective, it is our neuroperception that overrides cognitive perception, it wins every single time. In order words, your body feel something then your brain make up a story for reasoning, which is the contrary of most people know. And what we really need to focus and work on is the 90% of factors that dominate our reality. Just like we get bruises, cuts in life, we get injured mentally and emotionally which it is a normal part of life, but many people do not know how to heal these wounds, it became our limiting beliefs, stuck energy and emotion in the body and then it became our repetitive reality and your brain interprets them as your identity, therefore it becomes your life outcome. If you want to achieve more than where you currently are, the first and the most important key is unchain these wound around your ankle and your being, rewire and unleash your natural state of divinity, you will realise the real you are much more powerful than you think, owning up to our divinity is more potent to learning new skills because who you actually are is more than enough and powerful effortlessly, it is this person who can actually turn your life around.
Today, I have created a non-traditional, unique, humanistic and solution-focused approach that can facilitate invisible wounds healing and transformative permanent changes and growth of one's entire being, transform at the core. With the knowledge I gained about trauma, mountains of transformative tools and techniques, deep insights and wisdom, I am committed and passionate about helping people overcome and transform themselves beyond challenging experiences and come out better than they once ever were. It is estimated that clinically over 70% of worldwide population are affected by trauma and over 3.9% experience PTSD, yet little to no understanding to the vast majority even not most mental professionals is just sad and horrifying, I believe this is nothing short to be taken lightly. Trauma presentation doesn’t have to be clinically diagnosed, it can simply show up as a block of one aspect of your life that you can’t seem to get pass. Most commonly procrastination, self sabotage, people-pleasing, perfectionist, they are unconscious, especially emotional and relational dysfunction is usually unrecognized, normalized even encouraged by certain cultures and communities. I believe if we can all learn something about trauma and mental health the world would be a so much better place, and people would be kinder and more compassionate to one another.
Here and now I would like to send you a personal invitation. Pause a second, deep slow breathing 3 times. Let's image the type of life that you deeply desire, the meaningful and loving surrounding and relationship, the health and vitality, and the success comes from reaching your full potential and stand up for what truly matters. In the morning when you wake up and you cannot wait to get up and start you day, the deep level of passion, satisfaction within that fills you full.
What if, what if that is available for you all along, wouldn't you grab it with both hands? When you feel ready, make an internal decision and promise to yourself, say enough is enough and this is not the life I want to live, I deserve better and I am going to do whatever it takes to make that happen even I don't feel this way right this moment, I am more than delighted to be a strong and solid support in your journey.
Maybe you are at a point where you are frustrated about the progress, maybe you are just start to notice that your life is not where you want to be and considering in taking the first step, or you have done most the work but sense there is more and something is hidden and yet to be revealed, or maybe you come from a traumatic background like I do. I want you to know no matter where you are in your journey, I applaud you to not give up, you are not alone in this and there is definitely way out. Taking back control and power that belongs to you is what growth and healing does, when you eventually see your inner world manifesting out in the external, you will feel so much gratitude for everything, especially for yourself that you have made the right choice for you. You will also realise that you always have the power within. Not the coach, the mentor, not the practitioner nor the therapist but YOU. And you will discover who you really are and how powerful you truly are. From a place of power and love, you too, can transform your life.
I look forward to meeting you and supporting you in your journey that leads to pleasure, satisfaction, joy, fulfilment, success and a life beyond your wildest imagination.